A little book called Debrett's has been guiding ladies on matters of taste, propriety and etiquette since it was first published in 1769. Now in the 21st century, the latest edition is a girls' guide that has some choking on their tea and scones.
I was shocked to find out that the new publication is pitched at the "ladettes" of modern Britain, offering advice on the casual sex, office sleazes, and infidelity.
Here's a taste of the advice offered in the hot little handbook, which is not yet available in Australia.
Office romance and sleaze
"A well-timed newscast to colleagues may cause blushes, but it will also clear the air - presuming you've checked the small print to make sure an office affair isn't a sackable offence. If romance turns sour, be mature, keep a stiff upper lip and switch to auto-pilot."
"Should an unwanted suitor appear, act cool and be utterly unimpressed. If predatory behaviour persists, tell him calmly that you feel uncomfortable and (in extremis) be prepared to inform your superiors."
Telling lies
"Rule number one is to watch your back. If you're overheard bad-mouthing someone, and are sure that umbrage was taken, apologise at once. If you're too spineless to do it in person, e-mail. Lies, on the other hand, can have a positive role (for instance to protect another's feelings), so it's worth learning how to tell a good 'un."
Infidelity
"When cheating on a husband/partner, be sure to cover your tracks. Destroy receipts you cannot explain away, delete incriminating text messages as soon as they're received, and be wary of e-mail."
"If you are the "other woman" remember not to get too involved: a married man rarely leaves his wife, and even if he did, he could well do the same thing to you."
One night stands
"Make health and safety a priority. Always try to invite him back to yours, but if you insist on playing away, text a friend to inform them of your whereabouts."
"In the bedroom, forget about your normal night-time routine and leave pyjamas in their drawer. Discuss the necessaries to avoid planting any love children or disease, and you're away."
Sociable smoking
"Today, smoking is a minority sport. Smokers are therefore advised to cushion their indelicacy with suitable manners and consideration for others."
"The host, and then those sitting near to the smoker, should be asked if they object to lighting-up. A furtive glance must then be cast around the room for children or pregnant women."
"Social smokers, who do not actually buy cigarettes, should rotate the suppliers of their freebies; if asked to donate, it is churlish (though tempting) to refuse."
What is this world coming to?
Today was my off day. Wanted to go to the city to shop and to pick up my iMac. It was sent to a Apple reseller as there was a flickering yellow line on my monitor a month ago.
I called them like a few times and they kept saying that it was not ready. I got pissed off and called their technician instead. They told me the machine had left their place some time ago.
I called up the store manager again and he refused to pick up my call. He called me 30 minutes later to apologise.
My iMac was misplaced! Oh my goodness! They lost my iMac!
Then he told me to relax, as he has found it. Must I be relieved?
I gave him a hard time on the phone, I tell you. I was really pissed off.
I will be going down to the shop after work to see what he has to offer.
Keep you guys posted.
So instead of going to the city, I just went to Harvey Norman across the road to play PS2 for free. They had this cool big screen to play GT4, with a seat, steering wheel and leg pads. Really cool.
After that, I just head home to prepare dinner.
To reward Eliss for a hard day's work, I made some char siew ribs for her. She finished them all, making me very happy.
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